My last living Grandmother died January 9th, 2015.
Her husband died December 1st, 2011.
That is them and I miss them. Who wouldn’t miss people, that as far back as you can remember have been there and have been pillars of your identity? It’s heartbreaking when we lose loved ones and we need comfort in that storm.
Some people find it in a bottle, some find it in the form of sex and the list goes on and on. I ran to God [Psalm 18:2] and still am. Grieving is not a modular process that happens in a day and then we move on. It does not end after the funeral. Some people grieve a week, a month, and some even years. There is no definitive time to move on but having something to help you is always better than going it alone.
We are never alone. Never. The Bible explicitly tells us [Isaiah 41:10] that we are never alone. So why should you suffer feeling alone when His love is there to wrap around you and lift you in a time such as the death of someone. We should not hold our grief in, I have a terrible habit of doing this even though I know I should not [Matthew 5:4].
One of those very blessings is Bethany. I with all my heart believe God put her in my path because he was done with me running. I was the truant child that needed reminding of his place. Thank you God. Thank you for that.
Thanks is a terrible beast because we put a stigma on when it need not be that way. Thanking someone is appreciation and not weakness. Asking someone for help is community and not weakness. We should not have to feel like we are weak because we thank someone for help be it asked for or given because of the need to help others.
I say all of that to build on the fact that I did something I never thought I would do, in fact thinking about it makes me want to cry because I struggle with the beauty of the peace I found when I thanked God for taking my grandmother home. I did not thank Him for her death, it is something we are all bound to [Romans 7:6]. Instead I thanked him for ending her suffering, for bringing her to Him and for taking her to see my Poppy who she missed so dearly.
My Grandmother was integral to my life as grandmothers usually are for anyone. She was blunt and at times she could be mean but I was always Nan’s Baby and I will always be that. Thank God that he took her home and thank God that she is now there to help watch over my family as we run the race. The Lord is close to those grieving [Psalm 34:18] and I’d like to think those we loved so fiercely are there with Him.
That is why we celebrate life and not death. It is why we should be thankful for their homecoming and not angry at God. We do not have to understand the intricacies of His choices but if we embrace the event and know that it’s purpose will be known to us in time when we can see past our pain then we can grow for Him and be what we were always meant to be.
I’m still hurting but I know that God has given me something to cherish. My final memories of Nan was something I had never heard from her before, a giggle. If someone is so close to death’s doorstep can find the time to giggle from kisses on their forehead then surely I can celebrate their life and find some peace in their passing. No. Their Homecoming.